Having no idea what to write occasionally destroys me! This I should know, since there are consequences for every blissful obsession of ours. I have been meaning to write for so long,ever since it rained. It’s quite true that the weather has a strange impact on the way we feel things. There is a certain favourite line of mine in Estha’s and Rahel’s story where Roy writes something like this. ‘ She embraced life and it embraced her back.’ Perhaps that’s exactly how I feel in this weather.

Sometimes I think about all the poems that I read, all the music I savour, all the stories I retell, all the movies which had softly held me in times of utter hopelessness and wonder what my life would be without them. And yet, there are music i haven’t experienced, feelings i haven’t felt, people with whom I’m yet to form connections, recipes i haven’t tried, words I’ll never say or write about.

Things like a lover’s hand in mine, whispering sweet nothing’s into ears,walking fearlessly into a wave or risking it all.

I wonder If I’ll ever make it, in this modern world. Will I ever find my place. Somewhere I truly truly belong. There’s a precious Pinterest picture that comes to my mind when I think of my happy place. In between the shelves of an ancient library, with a tote bag on one hand and the other pressed against a lover’s, leaning on shoulders, rummaging through the bookshelves, finding a language in their palms, creating a religion with our hearts etched in love.

Will I ever risk my heart. Let her grow to bear everything. The shame, the regret,the guilt, the fear and above all,

bursting happiness?